you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
