he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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