My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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