fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
