fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
