Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
