We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So vagazzling was a success
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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