Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
