Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
