Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
