Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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