how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
