before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
