I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
