Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my shit smells like andre
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize