Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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