Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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