My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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