i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
