i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
