ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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