literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's Friday. Sex?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize