The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
