i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
