I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
