Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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