ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize