Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
