So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize