someone owes me an orgasm
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
