She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
