I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
