i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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