Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
