I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
