I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This beer is not sobering me up at all
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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