I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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