My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
