found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
