Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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