you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
