well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
