And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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