please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
