My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
