i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize