can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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