yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
