So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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