if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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