You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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