When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
