im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
