I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
