Four minutes until I can fart!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize