So drunk its hurt
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize