Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Be still, my beating vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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