perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ruined the universe
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
