There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
