screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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