yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
