i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
