Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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