So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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