I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
