Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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