how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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