you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
