Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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