I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
