i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
