Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
