well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize