whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
