So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
