Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize