i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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