can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're like the curious george of whores
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
