did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
