Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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