You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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