Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
