I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
