I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
