RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
