I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
