i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
