I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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