This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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