We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
