READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
