Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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