Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
