Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just had sex on a roof
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When are your genitals available?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
