i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize