I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
