chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize