Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
