it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
