who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
