the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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