Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
