Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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