Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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